My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
