I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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