After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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