I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
