Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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