He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
