oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
