I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
