I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
