my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
