How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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