I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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