I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
