So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
