i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Help. Why am I so naked?
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