if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
