apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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