I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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