I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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