It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
