I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
