If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
