oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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