do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
tell me about the eggs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
