this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
