she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
