We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
