its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
