seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
