Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
