That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
