just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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