why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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