5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
