have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
