So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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