If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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