Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
