you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
