grandma shit on top of the toilet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
