weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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