you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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