it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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