Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
