He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
