we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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