kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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