Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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