I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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