Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
