if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
