I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
