This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
