I haven't been this sober since birth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
