Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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