Will you blow on my dice?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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