My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
