I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
