I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
